Lessons from the workplace

Make space with your speech [Work Lessons]

This is part of a series on Work Lessons based on my experiences in the tech industry.

Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

Colleagues have good intentions. Everyone is trying to do their best. Yet people say and do stupid things they shouldn’t. Like taking upon themselves to be the troubadours, prophets, oracles of the room- which silences and discourages others. Take a statement like this:

Everyone agrees that…

You sure about that? Did you ask every single person? Suppose you’re right, and there really is near consensus about whatever axiom you’re about to impart. Is there a chance, maybe, that even one mere mortal in your audience will think otherwise? And that person in the room who doesn’t agree — what is he expected to do now? Either interrupt you and correct you, which can be perceived as rude or nitpicky if the statement is non-critical- or, stay silent and disengage with the continuation of your argument. A blanket statement like that is superfluous at best, and counterproductive at worst. It does not invite participation.

Here’s another unnecessary quip in a group session:

It’s obvious that…

To you it is obvious. But alas, not everyone is you. This is a violation of Theory of Mind — thinking that others know what you know. But give yourself a chance — maybe you’re a unique original thinker, like Michael Burry, to whom it was obvious to short the market. Or to Roger Bannister, that there had to be a way to break the 4 minute mile. If that’s the case, packaging your brilliant thought as obvious makes you seem pompous. Don’t.

Or maybe you’re not the sharpest tool in the shed. That doesn’t mandate you to a life of reticence. You’re entitled to share your thoughts. To you, it’s obvious that world is flat. Or that the best way to discard chewed gum is by swallowing. Or that pen marks can be erased if you rub the paper hard enough. So go ahead, announce your inspirational messages- but without that nefarious preface. You don’t need to peg yourself as narrow-minded. Allow yourself to be open to alternatives. Maybe your mind will expand.

Perhaps ‘it’s obvious’ refers to common knowledge. Most people will agree with what you are about to state- it will indeed be obvious to them too. Nevertheless, your intro of ‘it’s obvious’ stomps out any room for challenging status quo. It was obvious for centuries that the earth was the center of the universe. Until it was obvious that it wasn’t. It was obvious to scientists that with the right methods, we could turn dust into gold (see alchemy). The universe is complex and human understanding is fallible, malleable, partial. Leave room for questioning status quo. Leave room for learning. Leave room for our civilization to develop.

Photo by Alex Sheldon on Unsplash

Here’s another fun one to hear in a group:

‘Ok, I have one last question…’

I’ve heard this from a participant in a meeting. There was time left in the meeting for more questions. There were other people who still had questions. The meeting facilitators and speakers were happy to use that time to discuss the additional questions. But our friend decided, for the group, that there would be no further questions after hers. Luckily, she realized her faux pas immediately after she said it, and was able to maneuver her way out of it.

It’s obvious why not to repeat that mistake. See what I did there ;)

Photo by Anete Lusina

Another gem in a group conversation:

Ok, everything is clear now.

It is wonderful that now you understand. You forgot to say ‘it’s clear to me now.’ Why is that important? Because it acknowledges that there are other people in the conversation. Some of those people have understood a while ago. Other people still may not understand, and deserve a better explanation, so you’ll have to practice patience while they receive it. It goes a long way to have the sensitivity and awareness of acknowledging that not everyone in the room is on the same page, and that is fine.

The more senior the speaker, the more these nuances matter. That’s because their authority creates the perception that they speak in the name of the group. Their statements have more weight in the group. So they have to be extra sensitive to make room for others.

Thanks for reading.

About this Series

This is part of a series on Work Lessons based on my experiences in the tech sector.

About the Author

I’m a UX Designer turned Product Manager, with experience in startups, freelance, and agile B2B2C companies. Writing helps me reflect & continuously learn. Connect with me on Twitter.